Real Talk.

I feel betrayed, back-stabbed, pain and anger.

The fact that the idea of love or/and friendship has become more of a game. Everyone finds the easy way out. Pathetic. Why is it so difficult to find those who will literally mean it when they say, “i’ll be there through it all.” “we’ll fight this through.” “i’m here even when the world walks out”? Where is the raw kind of love? Why are empty promises made in the first place?

Someone who walks away or runs away are called cowards [no offence] because in my opinion, the person has no courage to face it and get through it together. People just make use of you and when their time is up and got what they wanted, they just leave. They don’t even fight for you or even be there for you when it’s your turn or when you need them the most. Why do you’ll do that?

If you’ll know that you’ll are not the one or the person for them, why want to even lead them on in the first place? Why even let them be there for you? Go through your problems with you? and to a point, you’ll forget what they did for you, went through for you and how they sacrificed for you. You’ll just leave. How? When someone proves you that they are not like the rest and showers you with true love or/and true friendship, it’s too difficult to be the same, isn’t it? Yet it feels great to receive all of that love and efforts and then question them back, “who asked you do all of that” when they come to you for the same love and efforts. It feels great in that moment, eh. In singlish, we say it, ” feels shiok ah?”. But how do you even come to a conclusion that the other person wouldn’t want to also experience that. You just take it from them and keep it to yourself. That’s selfish.

You’ll leave when they become difficult or when they need you? how can you’ll be ungrateful? What about the times when you’ll were difficult to handle? How did they even manage to stick by you? Did you’ll even reflect and question yourself before hurting them? You’ll just simply leave.

What is love? What is relationship? What is friendship?

YOU DON’T JUST LEAVE A SOUL HANGING WHEN THEY NEED YOU THE MOST.
YOU DON’T JUST SCREW THEM UP AND ABANDON THEM.
YOU DON’T JUST GET TO LEAVE WHEN YOU PROMISED THEM THAT YOU’LL BE THERE TILL THE END.
YOU KEEP TRYING BECAUSE YOU PROMISED YOU WILL PROVE THEM, YOU ARE THE ONE.
YOU DON’T JUST MAKE USE OF THEM AND WHEN THE TIME IS UP, YOU JUST LEAVE.
YOU DON’T MAKE THEM FEEL LIKE A TOY.
YOU COMMIT. YOU MADE A PROMISE. DON’T BREAK IT TILL THE END.
YOU DON’T MAKE THEM FEEL LIKE ITS A CRIME TO CRY OR LET THEIR EMOTIONS.
WHAT ABOUT THE TIMES WHERE YOU WERE CRYING AND BEING A KID AND IMMATURE?
DID THEY LEAVE YOU? OR DID THEY STICK BY YOU?
YOU DON’T JUST GIVE UP ON THEM. DID THEY GIVE UP ON YOU?
YOU DON’T DISRESPECT THEM AND IGNORE THEM.
DID THEY IGNORE YOU WHEN YOU CAME RUNNING TO THEM FOR HELP, WHEN YOU WERE IN TROUBLE AND WHEN YOU WERE GIVING REASONS AND BEGGING FOR ANOTHER CHANCE? DID THEY? OR DID THEY ACCEPTED YOU FOR WHO YOU ARE, STOOD BY YOU AND CRY IT WITH YOU AND HELP YOU GET OUT OF TROUBLE?
YOU DON’T JUST ASK THEM TO FIND SOMEONE ELSE IN THE NAME OF “SACRIFICING” AND TELL THEM THEY DESERVE BETTER.
IF THEY DESERVE BETTER, WHY DID YOU EVEN PROMISE THAT YOU WOULD BE THAT DESERVING PERSON IN THE FIRST PLACE?
BECAUSE WHAT YOU ARE DOING IS CALLED SELFISH.
YOU LEAVE BECAUSE YOU WANT TO.
ITS NOT BECAUSE YOU ARE SACRIFICING THEM FOR A GOOD LIFE WITHOUT YOU.
YOU ARE JUST GIVING STUPID REASONS JUST TO LEAVE.
TYPICAL.
IN THAT MOMENT, YOU WANT TO LEAVE, YOU HURT THEM. YOU ARE SELFISH.
YOU DON’T GET THE RIGHTS TO TELL WHAT THEY DESERVE WHEN THEY WERE WILLING TO PUT IT THROUGH WITH YOU TILL THE VERY END.
YOU DON’T JUST LEAVE THEM WHEN YOU HAVE PEOPLE NOW.
YOU DON’T JUST GET PISSED WHEN THEY START TREATING YOU THE WAY YOU TREATED THEM.
YOU DON’T GET IRRITATED WHEN THEY COME TO YOU TO TALK THINGS OUT AND SHARE WHAT THEY FEEL INSTEAD OF HOLDING GRUDGES.
THEY ARE BEING HONEST. BE HONEST WITH THEM AS WELL.
YOU DON’T HURT THEM WHEN YOU SAID YOU LOVE THEM.
DON’T MAKE THEM FEEL LIKE ITS A LIE.
YOU DON’T JUST SCREAM AT THEM OR REPRIMAND THEM WHEN THEY COME TO YOU CRYING.
YOU DON’T JUST MAKE THEM FEEL LIKE FAMILY IN THE BEGINNING AND JUST THROW THEM AWAY LIKE A TOY WHEN YOU HAVE YOUR ASPECTS OF LIFE FIXED.
YOU DON’T JUST MAKE THEM FEEL LIKE THEY HAVE BURDENED YOU WHEN THE ACTUAL FACT, YOU BURDENED THEM.
YOU DON’T SAY THAT THEY DESTROYED YOUR AURA OR MOMENT. BECAUSE I’M SURE YOU DID RUINED THEIR MOOD AND HAPPY DAYS WHICH YOU DIDN’T REALIZE AND WHICH THEY DIDN’T POINTED IT OUT AND GIVE THAT AS A REASON TO LEAVE YOU.
YOU DON’T DO ALL THIS WHEN YOU SAY YOU LOVE SOMEONE.

Love means you don’t just say, “i love you” but actually mean it through actions.
Relationship means commitment and which means “together”.
Friendship means family. It’s another bond after family. You don’t get a real friend within a snap.

I just can’t believe how the world has become and how the value of love or/and friendship has reached a point where it means nothing. It’s not treasured in the right way.


 

I have been betrayed and stabbed in my back all my life. But this time, its worse. It’s the worse experience and feeling in my entire life.  The reason being, not everyone knew what i went through and what others did to me. I don’t share it. But the fact that when someone knew everything and did the exact same thing what others did to me. Damn, It’s like my soul has been ripped off my chest and multiple arrows being stabbed in my back.

Wait, What if i did the same thing?

When someone came to me for help or telling me they had no one and they were going through something, i accepted the person and stood by my promise. What if i didn’t? What if i gave up back then as well? What if i just left that person to suffer in darkness?

What if i ran away when the person was difficult to handle?

But then, i didn’t because i accepted them for who they are and when it came to me, nobody did. They were quick to find reasons and just leave. Nobody accepted me for who i am. That’s the truth.

Everything was a lie indeed. Empty promises. Every word that is echoing in my head feels like blood flowing out of my ears. I feel disgusted.

Don’t ever make someone feel like they were an experiment or a rebound.
Don’t ever put the anger you have on others on someone whom loves you so much and you mean the world to them.
People think they can just get away with this.
It’s the circle of life.

When you are in a relationship, its not all about you anymore. It’s about you and the other person. You don’t just make them go through with you and in return, you don’t even jump a puddle for them.

You don’t just promise them that you would be there for them and you won’t be like the rest when you are just like the rest. You don’t just tell them that you see future in them. That’s equivalent to a betrayal.

You don’t just expect them to put in 100 percent effort and you just don’t give that. Because they deserve that and you don’t scold them or blame them for questioning you.

Take a moment. Look at yourself.

What you did, was it right?
How could you even live with it every day?

I mean i would never forgive myself if i ever did this to someone. I would never leave someone hanging. I will never want to do that sin and bring that karma with me till the end.

You know whats more hurting?
All of this is coming from you. The least person i expected.

You disgraced the person you said you were.
You disgraced the word, friendship.
You disgraced the word, love.

When i was told to go away, I still came back.
But i was told again to go away.
Every word said will always be ringing in my ears.

I hold your hands for the last time, tears rolling down, in the hope that you have a little heart left but you just pushed my hands away.
I tried till the very end.
You ignored my text.
And that is it.
You lost it.
That hand.
That hand of hopes.
That hand of adventures.
That hand of living the future.
That hand that would be holding you when you’re 70 in the rocking chair.
That hand that never feels like solitude.
That hand that held you during your problems.
That hand that helped you.
That hand that loved you.
That hand that cried when you were in pain.
That hand that held you and said, “i’m here through it all” and meant it.
That hand that you failed to hold back and prove it.
That hand that you failed to be there for.
That hand that you will never get to hold again.

You hugged me and said, “i missed you.”
The hug that hugged you back when you were crying in pain.
The hug that hugged you back when you were scared to face your troubles alone.
The hug that hugged you back and said, “you are not alone.”
The hug that you will never get anywhere from.
The hug that you can never get again. 

The fact that you could delete my pictures, my number and could have the heart to say, “It’s okay, throw it all away.”
That’s when i lost my words.
I will let time speak.
Time will answer my questions.

It’s horrifying to face all these even after the past was horrible.
but i can’t do anything anymore.
I tried till the very end despite it all.
If that’s what they want, let it be.
I’m letting it go.

Self-respect.
I lost it in the name of “love” and “friendship.”
Because i kept trying.
They didn’t.
It’s now my turn to get my self-respect back.

My anger and pain is justifiable. I am not accusing anyone unnecessarily but i’m just going to leave this right here. This is the last time i’m talking about this. This article is not for only one person but to everyone out there who are taking someone for granted. MAN UP and start being who you are suppose to be. You don’t just simply say, “oh i tried, and still not enough..” Trust me, relationship or friendship is a journey. It’s not a task that you do at work. Do it with passion for the other person and everything will fall in place. Make them your priority as well. Get your girl back before it’s too late, guys. Once she’s moved on, no turning back. I am pretty much sure, if she was there till the very end fighting for you, and you kept pushing her away, she is a keeper. It’s rare to find someone like that in this world where love has become a fun experiment. This goes to girls as well. Stop whatever you are doing and think it through. Cherish him/her.
Life is short.
You won’t get plenty of chances every time.
Don’t lose the person who’ve been there all along and was right in front of you, just because you need freedom.
You’re in the losing end.

Hold him/her back.
It would be all worth it in the end especially when you know he/she is the one.
It’s not that difficult.
Because when you truly love someone, you don’t even have to try.
It just comes with the flow.
It comes from within.

As for friendship,
Don’t lose that true friend.
True friends are hard to find.
Most importantly, the ones who actually goes down for you.
Be there for that friend.
Trust only comes within time, actions and the constant assurance.

I believe in the philosophy of “You do good, you get good in return and vise versa”.
I also believe on this theory, “You treat others the way you want to be treated.”
Ask yourself every time, “What if i put myself in their shoes? How would that feel?”

 


 

With that said, i would just want to end this here. I just want to reach out to all the raging and painful souls that feels the same way. I have friends and random people in social media who went through this and in fact, going through this. I would just like to say, it’s not the end. Your pain will have answer one day. Just wait.
There’s always a light at the end of the tunnel.

There are two links below which explains my article in various examples.

Don’t Get Into A Relationship If

Wise words by Vex King

 

– A SPARKLING BINDIAN.

 

 

The Body Shop: SEAWEED OIL-BALANCING CLAY MASK

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Here’s a big shoutout to my current beauty product. I bought this clay mask recently during a sale at The Body Shop Singapore. Before i start the review, i would like to say that this is purely my opinion and that does not mean it’s the same for others as well.

How did this help my oily face?

I have a combination skin but most of the time its oily due to the climate and my regular outdoor whereabouts. This clay mask has helped my skin to feel rejuvenated and my face feels less heavy. It actually helps in the oil balancing but oily face is irresistible. Thus,  this mask just helps to lessen the oiliness on the face. Mainly, the nose area.

IMG_8683The above picture is on how to use it and how does it help.

I try to use the clay mask or any other mask at least twice a week if i have the time but personally, i feel that once a week ‘mask time’ will be sufficient enough. Usually, i’ll have my ‘mask time’ on a weekends morning after a good sleep. 🙂

Once i spread a sufficient amount of mask on my face, it starts to feel fresh and tightens the skin. I keep it for at most 10-15mins and wash it off. It feels like minty vibe all over your face actually, haha. That’s my favourite!

I’ll put the link down below of The Body Shop Singapore’s Seaweed Clay Mask.

http://www.thebodyshop.com.sg/en/ProductDetail.aspx?ProdID=688&SubCateId=84&CateId=4

I hope this review helps those who are finding for a good mask for Oily Skin/Combination Skin. I rate this 4/5 🙂

 

If you’ll want more beauty tips or suggest what kind of reviews you’ll would like to read, comment down below.

– H

You’re just like the rest

You’re just like the rest.

The phrase that i’m suppose to be saying. It’s funny how someone can just invade your space and find something to be defensive about. I’m actually pretty amazed how people turn out to be in the end. But as always, the blame and the bad name will come straight back to me.

I’m not here to brag that i’m innocent. I don’t have to. Please. As long as i know that i’ve had no bad intentions and all i did was to be there for others and give people a chance of their own.  If i’m giving a particular someone countless chances and yet proved me that i shouldn’t have, why can’t i just give someone else another chance as well? Look from my perspective. I wasn’t given a space to actually explain. As far as i know, i believe i never did anything wrong. I was upfront. If i wanted to hide something or do something behind someone’s back, i would have deleted every evidence. But i didn’t even do that.

I was honest. I always did. It’s just that one thing i didn’t say and i became a bad person? My loyalty is being judged? Wow okay. I’m alright with that but hearing someone say, “You are just like the rest.” I’m taken aback because the last thing i know i didn’t accuse someone for something they didn’t do which others did. I didn’t go around bitching about someone which others did. I didn’t treat someone like a slave or mistreated them which others did. Moreover, i already told the person that i’m moving on for the amount of shits i’ve put through for a year plus. The person is not changing. This is toxic for us. I’ve been affected worse than anything that happened in my life. It’s traumatising to be precise. All i did was good for others and for their own good. I literally sacrificed. I cut everyone off my life. But in return what did i gain? I was only mistreated in return and i became the evil person? I can fight for my rights. But i’m exhausted, man. Extremely exhausted.

My question: The issues were happening was between us. Where did external parties got involved and my loyalty is questioned for? This is being hypocrite. People know that they made a mistake yet they just find some reason to interrogate and turn the whole issue towards me. Why? All i asked for is to stop hurting me but i’m getting hurt again and again. People forgot the past mistakes they did to me and put the blame on me for doing the same thing? Why? Okay lets put it this way. Don’t need to be honest to me. At least be honest to yourself. Ask yourself. What you did all these while was right? What wrong did i do? Look back. Reflect.

“You won’t know someone’s value till they’re gone forever from your life. There’s no point regretting in the end.”

Sometimes, people won’t realize what you’re trying to say and what you’re doing. It’s always misunderstood but one day they will realize and it’s too late.

However, i’m going to stop right here. I’m not going to talk about what all happened to me in my life and what others have done to me. This post is a reminder for me that this is it. Everyone has a turning point in their lives. This is my turning point.

It’s my turn to think for myself than for others. I don’t care what others talk about me or even think about me. I’m way over that already. Think whatever you want. I’m bad? fine. I’ve done bad. fine. whatever. I can’t please anyone. I can’t beg anyone to stay or/and make them understand that i always had good intentions.

I’m not saying that everyone is evil and i’m good. I’m not here to prove that. I’m here pouring out my thoughts and emotions. Perhaps, my story might help other to be aware. I have made mistakes in life but if it really was my fault, i would admit it with all my heart. I have been honest and admit for my mistakes many times. But sometimes i feel like i have to voice out as well. I can’t just keep everything to myself.

I’ve been so naive. I’ve been quiet. I let others blurt out whatever they want. I’ve been putting up with people’s bullshits. That’s it. I’m done with that. That girl i was before is gone now. She’s done. I’m never turning back. I’m moving forward. I’m not going to let anyone close to me. I’m not going to get attached to someone. I’m not going to allow anyone to put the blame on me just like that. That’s not happening anymore. YOU’RE THE LAST PERSON. Hereafter, i know what to do about my life. I know how to help myself.

 

Recovery written on rusty and old typewriter. Shallow DOF macro shot.

Recovery written on rusty and old typewriter. Shallow DOF macro shot.

Now, this is the recovery stage. I’ve reached that point already. I’m ready to live a life for myself. only for me. nobody but myself. I’m going to work towards it. I’ll do whatever it takes to become a better me. I’m not going to let anyone pull me down especially the ones in my past. I’m going to be the knight of my life, fight every dragon that comes in my way and save myself. 

The truth will always win in the end. One day, i’ll rise. I’ll become someone that i’ll be proud of. That day, all these pains, pasts, anxieties, hurdles, depression and haters won’t matter. I’ll smile that day and thank each and everyone who’ve done bad to me and my obstacles because without them, i wouldn’t have taken the step forward to be stronger each day.

I believe in god. I don’t always go into the prayer room to pray. But i always pray in my heart. I never fail to do that. I know he’s up there watching over me and has plans for me. He’s just waiting for the right time to execute it. I know i have his back and his blessings always.

-H

 

I will rise again

I will rise again poem

A piece that i wrote from the bottom of my heart.

-H

I thought you loved me

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It was all a lie.
That feeling of not being important in someone’s life..
Someone who meant the world to you…
It’s a mental torture.
It’s painful.
It sucks..
It sucks to be treated like a toy.
It’s equivalent to death.
I think it’s time for a rebirth.

Moving on..
Far away from you..
You brought me into this mess.. your mess.
I stood by you..
through thick and thin..
I went through your troubles and pain with you..
through thick and thin..

In the end, what did i get?
I was not even special..
I was not loved..
I was not given the opportunity to feel
what is it like to be special and loved..

The friendship was jeopardised..
I valued friendship like chastity..
You broke it..
You ruined it all..

Perhaps, it’s time to let go..
It’s time for a rebirth..
I feel dead now..
but i’ll be back one day..

– H